


Auspictices and Grubsitters

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ashen Romance, Drugs, F/M, M/M, Oral Sex, Side Story, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Sex, bloodswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-06
Updated: 2011-07-06
Packaged: 2017-10-21 02:51:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/220073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in the eXperiment Aradia Continuation universe and written before I even started writing that. Kanaya tries to auspictize Gamzee and rufio!Tavros but it ends up in sloppy makeouts due to DRUGS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Auspictices and Grubsitters

                Makara’s private office had to undergo some changes for this meeting. The water had to be drained to accommodate the land dweller. The furniture was removed and replaced with pillows for a cozier atmosphere. Most painful to Makara, only white noise could be pumped in, since music would only distract. Still, he felt it was important to make amends with his brother and business partner.

                The ashen threesome sat in the middle of the floor, surrounded by pillows: Gamzee, Kanaya, and the troll usually called Tavros. He took the sealion’s share of pillows, though this was acceptable due to his still recent injury. Behind them was a large picture window that normally showed the dance floor. It was midnight so it was empty, and besides the shades were drawn for extra privacy. They all stared at each other for a long moment.

                                “Well, okay then,” Kanaya awkwardly started to speak. She felt lost already in this conversation without her familiar numbered lines, and it hadn’t even begun. “Let us start by addressing the grievances of the non-caliginous partner. Mister Makara?”

                                “Youcancallme Captain, _moi feumeu_ ,” Gamzee answered, using words from his private language.

                                “So, Captain Makara?”

                                “No Makara, just Captain. Or Cap’. Or even _Reuf_ , if you feel like.”

                                “Um, okay, then, Captain Gamzee?”

                                Tavros exploded, “Rufio asks that you two JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET ON WITH THIS BLOODY MEETING so he can go back to hating this nooksucker proper like.” 

                                Kanaya said, “You’re out of turn, um, Mister Rufio.”

                                “So?”

                                “This will just be a mess if we don’t follow protocol.”

                                “Rufio says it’s your fault we’re in this mess in the first place. You got that batty bint riled up so much she took it out on poor Tavros’ hip.”

                Kanaya looked down through her thick eyeglasses in shame. She also blamed herself for this mess. With her improper understanding of troll psychology, she had helped the overly meek violet blood create the persona of Rufio. She was the one who pushed Vriska so much that she attacked her unrequited matespirit Tavros. The trauma of the attack and losing his ability to swim caused Tavros to turn into Rufio. Rufio took revenge not just on Vriska but also the troll he formerly loved and trusted.  Even suffering her own injury from Vriska didn’t satisfy her guilt. This was why she decided to intervene as auspictice, even though the role was more suited to the out-going jade blood Terezi than the shy bookworm Kanaya.

                Gamzee felt sorry for her. He really didn’t think it was her fault. Vriska attacking Tavros would have happened some time eventually. It probably happened in every universe that it could happen in. Crazy things just happened with trolls. They get too riled up and don’t learn to chill. He knew just the thing to cure it.

                                Gamzee said, “N o w I know you _chats_ don’t do the mind-expanding scene, but I’ve got something that’ll c a l m you down…”

                                “I’ll take it!” Kanaya interjected, “Just a little though.”

                                “Rufio thinks that if even a square like Kanaya has to get high to deal with this bullshit, then he’ll have some too,” Tavros answered.

                Gamzee gave out two rainbow-colored capsules to the virgins. Kanaya requested some water to take hers (ironically it was hard filling that request), but Tavros just swallowed his dry.

                After Kanaya put the empty glass by the door, Tavros noticed something.

                                “Hey, you didn’t take one,” he said.

                                “I’ma already a l i t t l e high,” Gamzee explained, “and I don’t need to calm down more. Besides, someone needs to grubsit you newbies.”

                                “These better not be anything weird!” Tavros snorted.

                                “I take these myself all the time,” Gamzee replied, “Trust me, _reuf_.”

                Tavros snorted again and laid back on his pillow.

                Still, despite Tavros’ skepticism, the meeting went well after that. Gamzee explained how he didn’t want to be kismesises with his best friend and was unsure about the whole quadrant all together. He felt sorry that Tavros had resented the way he overworked and underappreciated his business partner. In the other corner Tavros didn’t want to break apart the club. He was willing to work with Gamzee as long as his business partner started to listen more to his ideas for the club. It seemed to be an open-and-shut type 2b auspictice relationship.

                Still, something wasn’t right. Gamzee had noticed that Kanaya had been staring at his unshaded eyes a lot, and it probably wasn’t just because she had 20/200 vision. Meanwhile, Tavros had been shifting around a lot on his pillows, and it probably wasn’t just because he had a gimp leg. Gamzee remembered that he had given them a new batch that he hadn’t tested out on himself first. While this drug normally made you feel all lovey-hatey without any concupiscent urges, some _chats_ lace it with a powerful aphrodisiac. He was afraid this had happened.

                Thirty-five minutes in it all came to a boiling point.

                                “And, um, like Rufio’s says, MU should do more Alternian slam poetry so we should hire…” Tavros stuttered un-Rufio-like, and then yelled in a more fitting manner, “WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THOSE PILLS!”

                                “Don’tpanic _moi keumetfeumeu_ ,” Gamzee explained, “I’m sorry but I think I accidentally gave you a batch laced with Alternia cricket.”

                                “You gave us bone pills?” Tavros shot back.

                                Kanaya’s eye was as wide as possible. “I knew this would happen the one and ONLY time I ever broke Edict 420b _iiv_ ,” she moaned.

                                “Look, it was a mistake, but a l I t t l e cricket won’t hurt you. Now, we can just call off the meeting and find a nice pail for everyone…”

                The guilty look on the two virgins’ faces said that they wouldn’t be quite satisfied with that solution.

                                Gamzee continued, “Or we could just take this _ménage e trio_ and make it concupiscent.”

                Tavros gave a wicked smile.

                                “Rufio thinks you planned it all this way to get into his tight leather pants,” he said, and shifted his body so that he wasn’t hiding his bone bulge anymore.

                Gamzee looked down at the interesting creases on his bouncer’s crotch. Wow, he thought, no wonder Vriska was interested in him. _Ouf_ girl probably thought he was hiding a sea goat in those pants.

                Then Tavros launched himself with his good leg onto Gamzee. The taller boy fell back as the shorter but more muscular boy chewed on his face.

                Kanaya watched all this, a teal blush spreading to her face.

                                “I’m not sure if I should tell you this,” she said, “but I’m a, I’m a monosexual.”

                Tavros rolled himself off Gamzee and pushed himself up to look at her in disgust.

                                “A monosexual? Rufio thinks having no lusus warped your sexuality good.”

                                “Ignore him, _moi feumeu_. There’s nothing wrong with that. The robots love a l l the creatures.”

                Tavros snorted at the mention of Gamzee’s private outlaw religion.

                                He continued, “You don’t have to join this teuf if you don’t want. I’dsay it’s not unusual for an auspistice gone concupiscent to sadly end up with a third wheel.”

                Kanaya looked into Gamzee’s kind respiteblock eyes.

                                “I guess,” she replied.

                She then whipped off her bulky glasses and threw herself onto him. She was blind without them, but she could still feel and hear her way around. She kissed Gamzee deeply on the mouth. She could swear he almost smelled and tasted like raspberries.

                Tavros looked on at first in jealousy, but then he decided to have some fun with the not-that-sexy librarian.  He rolled himself up on his strong arms and knelt behind Kanaya as she busily made out with Gamzee. He lifted up her heavy shirt to reveal her small braless breasts.

                                “Oh yeah,” he muttered, “Let Rufio have a _butcher_ at those sweet _bristols_.”

                If Kanaya’s mind wasn’t fogged with lust, she would have noted how annoying it was that both Gamzee and “Rufio” had their own private language. She also would have objected when Tavros, no, that was definitely Rufio, started troll-handling her tender breast. He was clumsy, just poking and proding, and making it clear that despite his new macho persona he had no sexual experience. Still, Kanaya felt her nook get wet with lubricant, though mostly from making out with Gamzee.

                Gamzee decided to put his considerable sexual experience to use with the poor virgo. He lifted her shirt completely over her head. He put his hands over Rufio’s hands, encouraging him to use a softer touch and a more even rhythm.  When the boy got the hang of it, Gamzee slowly moved his hands down to her skirt.  He lifted the skirt up a bit, and then started to rub the outside of her already wet panties.

                Trolls are somewhat hermaphroditic. Both male and female have bone bulges and bone nooks. However, on males the nook is dry and underdeveloped, while on females the bulge is small and underdeveloped. Gamzee noticed that perhaps because of her unusual sexuality, Kanaya’s bulge was larger than normal, though still quite small compared to the average male bulge. He gave an experimental rub on it through the cloth of her panties. She stopped nibbling on his neck and while she looked embarrassed for a moment at his discovery, she started moaning heavily and threw her arms around him gratefully. He continued rubbing it, even giving it a few very gently pinches. Kanaya moved her legs apart, accidently bumping into Tavros’s bad leg (he muttered a few curses but then moved back), and pulled her panties down to her ankles. Gamzee could feel how wet it was.

                                “Let me just put my head down here, _moi feumeu,_ ” he said.

                                “What for?” she asked.

                                “So he can taste your _berk_ , you daft broad,” Tavros chimed in.

                Kanaya turned her head to scowl at where she thought Tavros was. So she was a little unread on sexual matters. She didn’t stock _those_ type of books.

                Gamzee turned onto his back and slide his head between Kanaya’s legs. He slipped down his shiny green and blue pants, revealing his freeboning nature.

                                “Hey, Rufio my _reuf_ ,” he said, “Come eat _moi calmar_.”

                                “Still being bossy, eh? That’s what caused this mess in the first place,” Tavros said, but with a smile as he crawled over Gamzee.

                Though Gamzee had not taken the cricket, he was still ready to get down. His bone bulge was semi-erect from the excitement. Tavros laid on him with his good leg and started pleasuring him with his mouth.

                                “ _Moifeumeu_ ,” Gamzee then commanded, “Sitonmyface.”

                Kanaya did as told. She was rewarded with a long tongue in her swollen nook. Though she thought it was strange at first, she now knew why trolls would ever do this. Troll genitals are naturally hairless, so Gamzee’s talented tongue slid effortlessly around the folds of her nook. With his strong tongue he teased her fully erect bone bulge, sucking on it while her juice dripped onto his chin. She leaned back and enjoyed the ride.

                Meanwhile, Tavros was giving Gamzee a toothy blowjob. He left sadistic little magenta scratches from nibbling on his bone bulge. His busy fingers moved south. He couldn’t resist shoving his fingers into his boss’s bone nook. From the looks of it Rufio wasn’t the first to go there. Between this and the knibbling it seemed Gamzee liked angry sex a lot for someone who supposedly wasn’t interested in black romance.

                Tavros as Rufio was devouring that _calmar_ while invading the grotto. Gamzee moaned at this attention, and then Kanaya would moan from the vibrations.  Rufio was delighted in all this. And he thought this meeting would be boring! He did need some attention himself. He rolled over and finally released the sea goat. Vriska would have cried if she could have seen this.

                Tavros awkwardly propped himself up, mindful of his bad leg. Though he still wanted to fuck his unrequited kismesis, right now he wanted to bend over that prim and proper virgin. He was feeling jealous of the tender ministrations she was receiving from his crush, and that monosexual wasn’t even interested in the male DJ. He had learned as Rufio that he was quite well-endowed. He shook it around a bit, letting it get fully erect. He knew this would intimidate her. Unfortunately, like Vriska, she could not see this.

                Disappointed and slightly deflated by her lack of reaction, he grabbed the legally blind girl’s hand and guided it to his semi-erect penis. She felt it and her one squinty eye shoot open.

                                “You know what Rufio’s going to do with this, don’t you librarian girl?” he whispered.

                                “Ruf…Tavros,” she trembled, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

                She was still hoping the purplish-gray mass he handed her was his undersized foot, though she had a feeling if it was he would still try and shove that in the virgin nook. She was disgusted by the thing, and yet in her horniness she was fascinated with it.

                The boss slide out from under Kanaya’s legs to watch this. He felt he had to be some sort of sexual auspictice between these two. He knew what Tavros wanted to do. He knew the boy even in his mild-manner form had a stubborn streak that made him good as a bouncer. He didn’t want Rufio to do anything to Kanaya that she didn’t want him to do, though looking at her nimble fingers manipulate that monster he wasn’t sure what she wanted him to do.

                Gamzee defused the situation a bit by giving Tavros a brotherly kiss on the forehead, and then a much less brotherly kiss on his mouth. Rufio slipped for a moment, but then came back to bite his kismesis’s lips. While kissing him, Gamzee slipped two long fingers into Kanaya’s nook, hoping to open her up at least a little. She pressed up against them and moved a bit on them, a good sign. He could feel her genetic materialgourd, a sort of Trollian unisex prostate/g-spot. She was possibly ready, if anyone could be ready for what Tavros had.

                Tavros grew impatient and moved behind Kanaya. He flipped her skirt over her head and started pushing himself onto her. With an annoyed snort the sexually inexperience boy realized that he’d actually have to use his hands. Gamzee again acted as a sexual auspistice by guiding the large bulge into the small nook. He imagined Terezi, the ultimate auspictice, threading her needle with a piece of yarn. It was going to be a tight fit.

                The virgo’s face was pained at the insertion, and Gamzee was afraid he had made a mistake. Rufio rocketed on without regard. After a moment, though, her face turned to joy. That joy was frustrated by the uneasy rhythm of his inexperienced pounding. The DJ fixed this rhythm problem by laying down his own beats. He would have felt silly mouth beat-boxing to sex, but he was a little high after all.

                Kanaya certainly appreciated his DJ skills. Despite her monosexual disgust at male bone bulges, she decided to return his favor. He didn’t skip a beat though he was trembling. She didn’t go very deep on his long tentacle-like bulge, but she used her finger to pull at the root. Meanwhile, he watched his junior partner’s huge slimy sea cucumber move in and out. After spending half an hour explaining to Tavros how he wasn’t interested in concupiscent relationship he suddenly wished for Tavros to fuck him, even if it meant fucking him as an enemy. The thought made him go full-length, and Kanaya had to take her mouth off of him to keep from gagging.

                Speaking of awkward relationships, Gamzee could hear, with his sensitive hearing, over the pounding of flesh and the grunting and snorting of Tavros, Kanaya repeatedly muttering a name. He was afraid it was the name of that indigo girl. The same one who stabbed her in the eye, slashed Tavros’s kneecaps and his mind, and generally ruined everyone’s life. Wow, troll relationships are weird!

                Rufio had hoped to last longer, to really beat Kanaya into a teal smear, but giving that it was his first time and she was so tight around him, he really couldn’t. He totally lost it when he felt her muscles contract in orgasm. He flooded her nook with aristocratic seed, mixing with her teal colored seed to make a rather awkward color. Gamzee saw this and covered Kanaya with his royal seed, even staining her eyepatch. And then Rufio lost himself when he saw Kanaya’s splattered body.

                                “uh what DID I DO TO YOU KANAYA?!” Tavros yelled, now finally rid of Rufio and also totally sober.

                Gamzee leaned back, feeling something approaching sobriety.  He remembered why he was high most of the time: it was because when he was sober he was more sober than most trolls. He stared in the wide eyed horror most troll have when meeting his lusus.  What had he done to these two stupid virgins?

                Kanaya was still somewhat high and even little horny, though sadly both genders of trolls suffer from a refraining period. She just flopped happily to her side.

                                “You did great, big boy,” she said.

                From some other time and space, Sollux looked on through his dark blue shades at the scene. That was not right at all. Things like this were why he wanted to annihilate everything tangible. He was going to hack this out of everyone’s mind. After he got some new clothes. Witnessing that caused him to make his nice white clothes, well, unsuitable.

 

YEAAAAHHHHHH!           

 

 

 

 


End file.
